June 22, 10:02AM
Don't Forget: I stood with anger rising inside me. All at once, I was young again. Why childishness? Why now? Caring as much as I did, led me to act carelessly. I left in a hurry, dishonest with myself.
Relentless: the words screamed inside of my head, and I had no defense. I was trapped. It was the worst of both worlds: Unable to act on the outside, while quickly masking my pain on the inside. In a sudden rush, I became embarrassed. Embarrassed that her heart was with someone else, while mine was exposed. That I didn't see reality for what it was. That she couldn't see reality for what it was. The contradictions were endless. Why did I even show up?
Interruptions: As responsible as I was, was I responsible? I couldn't be responsible, could I? I felt bad that I may have created a turning point in an ongoing conversation that I didn't understand. I felt bad that I may have interrupted timing, changing the history of another.
Reoccurring Flashback: The pictures are enough to make my heart sink. What a reminder. She had a fit.
Disconnect: So, I left. I left the moment. I left the night. I left the group, the mind, the emotions, and the memories behind.
Reminder: There is no denying when the eyes shine. As the wise man once told me, you always know when someone is in love because their eyes are bright as if they have that which is lost to the rest of the world. She had that.
Haunting: it followed me wherever I went to indicate that in order to move on, I had to let go. It rained for three weeks consecutively, non-stop, without break, without interruption. I longed for an interruption, a change, a reminder, a sign, or the unexpected.
The Long Road: I wish every-night for the ending that was supposed to be. For them to continue their conversation. For her, not me. When fate is tempted, it will at least give you a chance. My narrative is not so clear.
Questions: Turning a page, or trying to turn back time?