September 25, 4:17PM
Unconditional: I stood in the street staring into the florescent lights, and knew it was time to go home. It was a feeling that steals your breath, cutting off your ability to speak in mid sentence. It was if the world knew that I had missed a step and purposefully knocked me off balance as a reminder. The air was humid and heavy, it pulled and tugged on my body, a strange feeling-- I was the other, an unknown, a not welcome, an out of place. My soul felt weighted and burdened, lost in the dark and searching. I wasn't home, I was missing -- missing love, being connected, moving in step, being wrapped up and entangled, feeling dedicated, the serendipitous, and the unexplainable. I lost the spark that had given me hope.
Generosity: It's hard to lose the spark and live in uncertainty. The spark creates a path and the energy to make the path a reality. It gives meaning that there are connections that will light up the sky. It cannot last on its own: some want to steal it, others reject it, and by itself it is unnoticeable. It has value and whenever we speak of love we are speaking of value -- right and wrong, glowing or burnt out, pulling or pushing away. I sunk beneath the air feeling that my spark had left me, rediscovered the other side of the narrative, and all at once was free. I threw whatever I had left of my spark to the night sky, in a single moment relinquishing control. Unconditional. Someone else will find it when it is needed the most, it is not for me to decide.