April 28, 6:25AM
Replaying: I never know when or where I'll see you next. It is to live a life of perpetual uncertainty. It was summer, in mid December, when I saw you last. I was walking through the streets, among those looking for desire, among those hoping to feel alive, among a false energy. It was then I saw you. I turned off for a few minutes, as lost in meaning as I was geographically. I turned away and remembered running every chance I got, as much of a free spirit as one that was looking to be free -- if only it could be so simple to detach from the peripheral noise.
I saw you in a college town on a fall afternoon. You were excited by simplicities as if to remind me that the world waits when we are together -- to slow down as nothing else mattered. Suddenly, I remembered that I never lived in the moment, but always thought about what it all meant -- what pressure that created instead of lighthearted playfulness.
I was in a nouveau bar off the boulevard. The bartender said I looked as if I could use a drink, to help me forget or remember, hiply sending me one out of courtesy as if she knew. Everyone over there is living a parody, and it's true that the dreamers are more sad then the rest of us. Still, you were with me as I spiraled in and out of conversations with those that still felt something. It's a group that is disappearing more and more with time. For an instant , I felt hope, the same hope I felt every time that your eyes burst with joy -- the look that said you had something special.
I saw you in a park to end a late night, lost with strangers from places I have never been. They told me of a different way of living, sensing my apparent tension.
We were eating in the only shop left open at that time, talking about growing up, where we were going, and a future return home -- I wanted more than anything to feel that embrace.
I was climbing the last hill, excited and ready to finish what I started, ready to begin to right my wrongs, ready to follow through instead of stopping right before life's beginnings. I saw you and wondered when I would see you next.