When you're conscious of it, art doesn't happen. It can't happen. That's because you're critiquing yourself in real time, defending the parts of your soul that need to break free and speak. That voice of self-criticism needs to be turned off. If it continues its consistent commentary, the noise will drown out all the sounds we don't know exist. Those sounds often tell a truth that the world desperately needs to hear.
Don't let them be downed out.
Throw yourself violently into the unknown.
Mixed Messages / Reflections Day 1
It's August 28, on a gray and overcast day. It's unreasonably quiet, which is strange because normally the seasons fight with each other in the spaces of transition. I think we are the same way. What's next and what's past pull in different directions until one wins, but we are often so stubborn that we make it difficult on ourselves.
I'm still trying to shake the shadows of my last mistake. Opportunity cost and regret are directing my behavior today, pulling my mind away from what it knows it should do. It's a weakness that I've yet to overcome. The world is elsewhere, but maybe if I'm lucky I'll refocus and recapture it by the afternoon.
I'm busy trying to figure out the structure of the albums. That's always the hardest part. Without the boundary conditions, the story can go anywhere. Once concept is developed, it's still difficult, but the rate of progress and pace of writing increases, dramatically. I think it's similar to the difference between having meaning or not having meaning. Either way the day to day can be monotonous, but with meaning a certain purpose and love shine through, overwhelming the darkness and struggle, transforming them into the excitement that's part of becoming.
As soon as the boundary conditions are in place, meaning will take over and pull the songs out, word by word, note by note. Until then, I've got clouds to contend with.