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When Feeling The Need

That's the best time to create. When there's a need to check your phone for an update, put it down and make music. When there's the need to stress eat, write. When there's the need to run away, create. All the needing is a form of reassurance that's put in place when we are feeling unfcomfortable. 

 

So instead of writing the part of the story that unmasks the feelings you've been running from, a social network is checked 100 times. Instead of sitting with the pain of a chorus until explains itself, some stress response is followed to temporarily hault the uncertainty of not knowing what will come next. It feels good short-term, but long-term nothing gets accomplished.

 

Forget about the stress response, sit with discomfort, and remind yourself that if you are uncomfortable, you are probably close to making good art. The discomfort is there to make sure that most people leave, it's there to make what's on the otherside scarce. Move with it to find the magnificent. 

 

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Mixed Messages / Reflections Day 3

 

August 30

 

The sunshine came out after two or three days of hiding. I'm struggling with trying to frame the album. The narrative has changed three or four times in less than a week. It's fear. It's imposter syndrome. I know the reason why I keep changing the narrative, and it's because questions like these keep popping up:

 

What if I reveal my true feelings? 

How close can I get to being exposed without it devistating me? 

What if someone calls me out? 

What if others think it's hyperbole? 

What if it hurts someone else, unintentionally?

Will I seem crazy? 

 

The answer is that it really doesn't matter. Those questions are trying to get me to move to the middle and play it safe. They are trying to get me to hide behind masks for fear that others won't accept me. Instead I should realize that if others reject me, it's good because it means that those that love what we make will feel at home with it.  Complete understanding is better than partial interest. Revival vs. tolerance.

 

Even with such knowledge, it's not making it any easier to move forward today.