Three years ago, I wanted to share my writing every day. I wanted to post updates like this, but was timid. I knew what I wanted, but had doubts.
One and a half years ago, I started writing every day, but kept most of the writing to myself. I told a few people about it, but was judged negatively by one of them. It hurt. I felt ridiculed and dismissed, written off for not being good enough. So, I retracted and hid all of it.
I've since decided that no matter what others say, it won't stop me from creating and sharing.
Ridicule is ridiculous. Instead of giving an honest reason why she did not like what was created, the person that was critical of my writing offered no positive critique, only an I am better than you attitude. It was a power game that destroyed any trust between us.
What's interesting about most critics is that they are not generous. What they share doesn't help, even if they think they are being helpful. They don't put in the work to get others to become more of themselves.
I now have two requirements for critique: The person providing critique has to have skin in the game, regularly creating, taking risks, and trying to give back to others, and we must have an established and trusting relationship. If those conditions aren't met, it's usually best to say thanks, and move on. Turn the shoulder and don't look back.
Don't let ridicule coming from others that refuse to share, scare you from giving back to the world. Worry more about how to become more of yourself everyday, regardless of what others think.
Mixed Messages / Reflections Day 12
Each album is a stage. Each has a transition before and after. It's difficult to be a songwriter: often you've moved from one stage to the next, but cannot write fast enough to keep pace.
Mixed Messages is a room that's filled with all my mistakes. I don't want to relive them anymore. Confining yourself to the same room can be painful. I've stayed in the same room since I was 26, nearly three years. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay before I walk out. I've explored negativity, failure and regret. I've investigated personal catastrophe. I've retraced each mistake, repeatedly. There's not much left to replay. And since then, I'm in a much happier place.
But, the album isn't done, so I can't move on. The only reason to continue, is to share a narrative that others can relate to when their life falls apart. All too often we are only given success stories, with the important details of struggle and darkness removed. Hardships are polished into what appear to be minor set backs before a success, which seems inevitable. For us, nothing is clear, the future is uncertain, and though it's gone, the past still stings. If nothing more, our second album will be real. That's rare.
Mixed Messages needs to be finished. I will suffer for the sake of art, but am eagerly looking forward to catching up with life and moving to the next stage, and into the next room.